Part 3 Growth after Child Loss // Losing a child changes you forever

Losing a child changes you forever

Child loss compares to nothing. We will never get over it. Grief is a part of our new life. Words don't do justice to the unspeakable pain of what it means to lose your own child. When I saw my beloved Jesse Bear just after the accident happened, it felt like I was completely ripped apart and crushed. It was so horrible, I fell down to the ground and had to throw up. I could feel a part of me die. It's gone and the spot is empty for the rest of my life. The picture of Jesse's dead body still visits us in nightmares sometimes. It's physically painful. Our family will never be the same. I look at my other 3 children and I have so much joy to be a mother. But I also see the gap in between them and am reminded that Jesse is missing every single day. We can only keep living with Jesus. Day by day. His love and care soothe our pain. He gives us wisdom and strength to keep going and rebuild our life. ​

Jesse is missing. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

​When you are in grief, Satan comes to destroy. He is a liar and accuser. But Jesus wants to build us up. If you want to, you can choose the better. We must feed our souls with truth. I believe in the power of prayer and God's Word, the Bible. It has given me more comfort and strength than anything else. It also helps to hear the healing stories of other grieving parents and to share our own journey of healing. We get a lot of encouraging feedback through my blog posts as well. We appreciate it. 

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Philipians 4:13

​Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. 1. Peter 5:7

Child loss can cause many other problems like financial loss and health issues. These are two things we still have to cope with on a daily basis. Many people wonder and ask how the accident affected our marriage. Our marriage is not easier but stronger and better. We celebrate our 12th wedding anniversary this year. For better or for worse, our love grows and deepens as time goes by, til death do us part! Praise the Lord! 
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After we lost our son Jesse we slowly changed our way of making decisions, as we see our life and the world in a different light. We have different goals and dreams now. Like most families, we always wanted to live a settled life. Own a house, with some green for the children to play, and live happily ever after. We don't worry about settling anymore. Our children couldn't care less. We don’t want to put our wants before their needs. Children will not remember you for the material things you provided for them, but for the feeling that you cherished them. Our goal is to invest in people’s lives and our dream is more family traveling not settling. Our children love to explore the world and meet new people. Making memories with them and being a blessing to others is way more precious than any toy or something you can buy.

Children spell the word love like this T-I-M-E.

​And they shall have what they need. Then they will be able to give back and be a blessing to others.

After child loss, we grew in trusting God.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33

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​Next part: 
Part 4 Growth after child loss  // Children are a great treasure

Previous parts:
Part 2 Growth after child loss // Loving God and Doing His Will
Part 1 Growth after child loss // 3 things we have learned in the first two years

God bless you all,
Jenny

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AJ (Alex James), Rachel & Jesse

Rachel, Michael & AJ with Jesse's stuffie

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But grow in grace,
and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.
To him be glory both now and for ever.
Amen.
2. Peter 6:18

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Joy in Grief Support Group - Finding Purpose after Child Loss
Share how God is guiding you through your grieving and healing journey.
How did you find purpose after child loss?

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Recap of our child loss journey

​​April 16 2016: Our son Jesse was standing behind my husband's truck while he backed out of the driveway. Jesse instantly died. Our lives will never be the same. We will never be the same.

The 1st year was an emotional roller coaster ride. We were driven by a deep longing for security and stability in life. My husband was an emotional wreck. 6 months after Jesse died our 4th baby was born. I was also homeschooling our oldest child and our toddler. Looking back, I know that God kept me going, for the sake of my marriage and our other children. Read my blog posts to find out how we got through the first year.

In our 2nd year we had more trials and losses. Health problems, job loss, a big financial loss and a miscarriage. God let us go through fiery trials and a test of our faith so that we would grow stronger in love and faith. Before Jesse's 2nd death anniversary on April 16th, God once again turned our whole life upside down, by sending us literally Down Under. He closed the doors for us in Canada and opened new doors in Australia. We only have a few more weeks before we leave. Read my blog post series Growth After Child Loss to find out how God guided us through our 2nd year.