Part 2 Growth after Child Loss // Loving God and doing His will

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April 16, 2016: Our son Jesse was standing behind my husband's truck while he backed out of the driveway. Jesse instantly died. Our lives will never be the same. We will never be the same.

The 1st year was an emotional roller coaster ride. We were driven by a deep longing for security and stability in life. My husband was an emotional wreck. 6 months after Jesse died our 4th baby was born. I was also homeschooling our oldest child and our toddler. Looking back, I know that God kept me going, for the sake of my marriage and our other children. Read my blog posts to find out how we got through the first year.

In our 2nd year, we had more trials and losses. Health problems, job loss, a big financial loss and a miscarriage. God let us go through fiery trials and a test of our faith so that we would grow stronger in love and faith. Before Jesse's 2nd death anniversary, April 16th, God once again turned our whole life upside down, by sending us literally Down Under. He closed the doors for us in Canada and opened new doors in Australia. We only have a few more weeks before we leave. Read my blog post series Growth After Child Loss to find out how God guided us through our 2nd year.

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​Loving God and doing His will.

​If you are facing hard times, be encouraged. You grow the most through pain, not through pleasure. Satan comes to destroy but God uses fiery trials and the test of faith to make His children grow for His glory. It's a promise. Today I want to share a recap of our 2nd year and how God helped us to persevere.

​In the last 2 years, we have definitely grown the most in our love and reverence for God. After losing our child only Jesus could satisfy our deep longing for security and stability in life. Our relationship with Jesus is stronger and we grew closer to Him. If you really get to know Jesus better, you will certainly grow in love and respect for Him. We have unspeakable joy through a close personal relationship with Jesus, not religious church traditions and just doing good works.

In the last year, we have encountered many other trials. I started having problems with my thyroid due to stress. Obviously, it's really stressful to lose a child. By God's grace and help I know how to manage it and am doing a lot better. God also tested our loyalty and trust to Him. We had our own business and after Jesse died, we decided to sell it to my husband's new employer. His employer knew we were in deep grief. He used our situation to his own advantage by betraying us. In August last year, Alex lost his job. We had a big financial loss. But it doesn't even hurt. Because Proverbs 28:6 says

​Better is the poor that walketh in his uprightness,
than he that is perverse in his ways, though he be rich. 

​Losing a child and losing money cannot even be compared. Losing money didn't hurt us.
Yet we were broke and had to live from day to day. But God always provided for all our needs. 
In November last year, I finally reached the end of my rope. We were very short on money and our things started breaking. When we fixed one problem, then the next came. At the same time, I had a miscarriage. It was painful because I miscarried at 12 weeks. I was so exhausted and just had enough. I couldn't understand why God wouldn't let me have any rest in between problems. But that's when He raised me up once again to show His perfect love and care.

God never allows pain without purpose in the lives of His children. 

Our first 2 years after child loss were a fiery trial and test of faith! We will never forget it.
This is how God makes His children grow: ​

Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. Hebrews 12:11

​After my miscarriage and the other losses, we were looking forward to rebuilding our life. The short version is: God closed the doors for us in Canada and opened new doors in Australia. When we moved to Canada in 2008, we asked God to help us. And He did. After Jesse died we asked Him to show us His will for our life, more sincere than ever before. Sometimes I still ask God, Why did Jesse die? Why did Jesse die in such a brutal way? It hurts beyond words. But most of the time I pray, Why do you let me live, Lord? If there is no purpose, there is no reason to live. Take all of me and use me for Your glory, Lord Jesus. If we don't know where to go or what to do, here is God's promise to us:

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. James 1:5

We asked God to help us to surrender to His will. And He did. Admittedly we didn't know how we should move to Australia, but we put all our trust in Him. Everything went really fast. Alex got a good job. We got our visa in just one week. And now we are getting ready to leave. Nothing is impossible with God. 

After child loss, we grew in our love and reverence to God and the desire to do His will.

​Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. Matthew 22:37-38

If ye love me, keep my commandments. John 14:15

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​Next part:
Part 3 Growth after child loss // Losing a Child Changes you Forever

Previous part:
Part 1 Growth after child loss // 3 things we have learned in the first two years

God bless you all,
Jenny

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Alex with Michael, Jenny with Rachel & AJ (Alex James)

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But grow in grace,
and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.
To him be glory both now and for ever.
Amen.
2. Peter 6:18