Our family life is a mess... Where do I start? // Rebuilding Life after Child Loss

We all have gone through challenges and struggles. Some struggle more than others and some people seem to cope better than the rest of us. People who seem to live a perfect life are good actors. 

If you have followed our child loss journey you know that, in the last 3 years, we also have gone through a job loss, financial hardship, health problems, a painful miscarriage and one big move from Canada to Australia. During that whole time of tribulation, we kept homeschooling and welcomed our 4th and 5th Baby. 

Recently, my parents got divorced which is another heartbreaking thing I have to learn to accept. I was hoping that after losing our son, our whole family would become stronger but instead, we had to face more human made challenges.

We are trying our best to raise 4 children but how often do we fall short as parents?! I lost count. Some of you are also homeschooling with toddlers in the house. You know what I mean! Oh boy, our family life is a mess... 

Where do I start?
Personally, I find no use for man made self improvement guides that make you follow a "few easy steps" for a successful and happier life.

We are all different and our situations are almost never the same. What might work for you could lead others to disappointments or burn out.

I also find no biblical ground to just "drop our mommy guilt" and focus on enjoying life. If there is a legitimate reason to feel guilty as a parent then we shouldn't ignore it.

Better it is to learn perseverance and gratefulness.

In practical terms, it's how to face challenges without giving up and the ability to see something to be thankful for in all circumstances.

Of course, we have the responsibility to keep our life in order but it's impossible to be in control of everything. If we give only ourselves the credit for success, whom do we blame for failures and hardships? Do you see what I mean?

If you think you stand firm, be careful not to fall! (1 Corinthians 10:12)

There is only one right step to find peace of mind and confidence in a chaotic time of life. It's the step towards God and facing His superiority.

ONE STEP: Step out in faith and trust the Lord Jesus Christ!

Stop trusting in your own goodness. Start trusting in His righteousness.
Stop trusting in your own sense. Start trusting and obeying His way of life.
Stop trusting in your own strength. Start trusting and resting in His power.

Trust Jesus with all your heart, strength, and mind because your life really depends on it.

Whether that means you trust Him as your Saviour,
or you trust Him and truly become His follower in your heart and actions,
or you trust Him to show you how to get through it all.

There is a vital thing many Christians misunderstand about God:
He never promised we wouldn't have to struggle on this earth. The Bible says quite the opposite.

God promised He would always help His children and never leave them alone.

​Are YOU His child? ​

These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. John 16:33 

I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go:
​I will guide thee with mine eye. Psalm 32:8

We would NEVER be able to bear our child loss without trusting God.

I have to confess, I even told God that I expected Him to help me to go through this or else the Bible is a lie and God doesn't exist.

We refused to take any antidepressants or get professional help. Excuse me, if that seems judgmental to those who found help that way. I am a passionate advocate for mental health. And I strongly oppose the misconception that grief is a mental weakness.

​Here is my problem with antidepressants and professional help as a grieving mother:
If God truly is my Heavenly Father and He allowed my son to die, if He truly is the Almighty God then He will help me because I am His child. He promised it. Period.

Sometimes I feel blue and weak to handle any more trouble. Sometimes the pain feels so raw that daily life seems like a burden.

​But always God has given me new strength and comfort. He has never let me down. There is literally nobody and nothing in this whole world that can even compare to the Heavenly comfort that the God of the Bible promises to all who trust Jesus to be saved and follow Him. He is the only way to become a child of God. 

Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. John 14:6

​​
​People ask us all the time "HOW DO YOU GET THROUGH ALL OF THIS?"

Sorry, I can't help you with a comprehensive instructional guide to fix a messed up life. But as a fellow Christian woman, I would love to share with you how we manage our family and life for inspiration and encouragement.

Only in CHRIST can we find all treasures of wisdom and knowledge. (Colossians 2:3)

Only God knows exactly what you need when you go through a time of hardship. He knows your yesterday, today and tomorrow. He knows all of you. But before He can help you He wants all of you. He won't force anyone to trust Him. It's your free will choice.

Faith starts in your heart, not on the outside. Going to church is not being a Christian. A real Christian trusts Jesus Christ and follows Him, not a pastor or a denomination.

You don't become a car if you stand in a garage and so going to church doesn't make you a Christian. Only genuine repentance and trusting Jesus' death and resurrection for the forgiveness of your sins makes you a real Christian. No more no less.

​

She Builds Her House

My mission is to be the wise woman who builds up her own house (Proverbs 14:1) and encourages other women to overcome all small and big challenges in life by building strong Christ centered families in a self centered world.

After losing Jesse we really had to relearn our identity and restructure our family life. Other bereaved parents will understand what a major challenge it is to regain control of your daily life. Especially living with little ones in the house is already a huge challenge. Homeschooling doesn't make it less complicated either. But with God's help we get through it. There is no other way to keep my sanity and keep living with the tragic loss of our son than through Jesus Christ. I praise Him for every day He keeps me. 

Personally, I am not a fan of women who promote their perfect lives to sell us their magic formulas for success and happiness. I am not the prime example of a biblical mother and wife. But as a Christian my intentions to do what is right are genuine and that's what matters most. I am learning more day by day. This is what the Bible calls 'Sanctification'.

You should not be worried if you are not perfect.
​You should be worried if you stop growing in Christ.

BEING A CHRISTIAN IS NOT BEING PERFECT BUT MAKING PROGRESS.

Praise God if that's what you needed to hear today. With God's help you can do this!

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